Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Duro-Bond

Cora joined us just as Shay Shay sashayed away, and his toupee' looked normal.  I wondered what took him so long, but I didn't have to wait long for my curiosity to be satisfied.

"Gurl, do you carry your solvent and glue with you?" Mother asked as Cora leaned on the corner of the bar near Mother.

"Of course, queen.  I wouldn't leave home without it," She said as she withdrew a ziploc baggie out of one of her coat pockets.  Immediately, mother snatched it up, opened it and withdrew one of the small bottles from it.

"MeltZaway?  What the hell does this do?" Mother asked in a deep, inquisitive, voice.

"That is the solvent that "melts away" the old glue." Cora explained with no embarassment.

"So, it's like paint remover?" I asked.  By then Mother had opened it and had it under her nose.

"Well, it sure smells like it...WOOH EEEY! This stuff is potent.  This stuff smells like Poppers....You could get high off of it," she said as she handed it to me.  I screwed the lid back on it and resisted the urge to whiff it after Mother's reaction. 

"What's Poppers?" I asked innocently.

"Gurl.  You don't know what Poppers is?" Mother looked at me like I was from another planet, and I guess I almost was if you consider Oklahoma to be in another galaxy, and sometimes I felt like it was.

"No," I said as I shook my head.

"Well, honey, it's ANAL MIGRATE," Mother said as she enunciated HER chemical name of the inhalant.

"Anal Migrate?" I asked quizzically....and then I just had to ask ( and you would have, too).  "Does it make your butthole move?"

"Well, honey," Mother hee-hawed for a second and slapped Cora on the shoulder. "It'll sure make it relax and make those first few minutes a little easier....I love some love-making with Poppers, don't you girl?" Mother asked Cora.

"I won't turn it down....." Cora said and looked at me oddly.  Later, Cora explained to me -- out of ear shot from Mother -- that the actual chemical name of Poppers was AMYL NITRITE, but Mother's definition was a bit more descriptive.  Cora also informed me that many people thought its use was responsible for the rapid spread of AIDS in the beginning of the epidemic due to the fact that it supposedly thinned mucous membranes.  It had been used as a party inhalant in the gay community for many years because it gave a brief high -- no longer than a minute or two -- on the dance floor....and in the bedroom.  Of course, I was totally naive to this sort of stuff because it had fallen out of Vogue by the time I was able to attend gay bars, and I don't know whether it was actually ever proven to aid in the spread of AIDS.

For the moment, I let Cora's glance escape me and continued with the bag discovery, but made a mental note to ask her about it later.  Mother reached into the baggy again and pulled out two paint brushes (( They were the size of the paint brushes that you had in your water-color set when you were in 2nd grade.)) 

"Paint on? Paint off?" Mother asked Cora while she held the paint brushes up, and Cora nodded affirmatively.

"Hmmm...Duro-Bond...Sounds like denture adhesive." Mother read and commented as she held the final item that was in the bag up to her eyes.  "Does it really work, gurl?" she asked Cora still in a deep, suspicious voice.

"Hell yes, it works, Queen.  I've been telling you for years to use this stuff instead of pinning your wigs on.  Pull it." Cora demanded of Mother as she leaned her head in Mother's direction.

Mother reached up and gave it a gentle tug.

"Queen, I know you better than that.  PULL it." Cora urged.

Mother pulled a few strands of hair that she'd grasped between her fingers a little harder than she'd previously yanked.

"Queen, I said PULL IT." Cora prodded loudly.

So, Mother grabbed her a handful of Cora's hair and bobbed her around like she was a marionette on a string...............Let's just stay that this type of entertainment was much more interesting than setting at home and watching re-runs of Gilligan's Island.  She bobbed Cora around for a little while until I interjected.

"Mother, stop, you are going to hurt him," I said, and she complied.

"Oh, it doesn't hurt, honey." Cora said as she reached up and finger-combed her  glued-do.  After all the torture that man-wig had gone through that evening, it looked like it needed an appointment at the Play-Doh hair salon...soon.

Mother said in amazement, "Gurl, I need to get me some of that Duro-Bond."

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