The two queens who followed Cherry most certainly didn't compare to her. Their performances insured that everyone in the audience knew that this was a talent night......and talent was only the title of the show because it wasn't possessed by most of the performers. The next number to follow Cherry was a black queen from Texarkana named Afra Desiac in a blonde Dolly Parton wig doing her interpretation of "Hard Candy Christmas"... Apparently, this was her nod to the holiday season, but it wasn't well received, and no one bought her illusion of Dolly..and no one tipped her either except us -- we had to, we sat at the damn front table -- and her true blood baby-sister who also wore a blonde wig ( and sat at the table behind us, so we couldn't hate on Afra's performance, either...but, you know I tried. Mother sensed my urge when I leaned toward her ear, and she elbowed me and whispered that I'd get our asses whooped if I didn't keep my comments to myself.) ............. I figured that the only reason Afra didn't get a lemon wedge for a tip was because everyone thought she was "packing". Afra Desiac was a little rough around the edges, missing her two front teeth, and she was Nigerian black in color ( Do you get the picture??????)...and No, she wasn't an aphrodisiac, either..In or out of drag, she couldn't get anyone to swallow her hard candy....licking the sides was the best they could do (Mother Superior intimated, and I wasn't surprised that she knew).
Penelope Jo Jean Plantagenet walked onto the stage ( with a Frankenstein stroll ) to much fanfare and applause from his cousins and wife......but no one else. Mother said, "Oh God" under her breath, and it was my turn to give her the elbow. Sure enough, he was blonde, too, but he'd sprayed it into a Beehive that would have made Mel's Flo green with envy, and he'd glued red butterflies -- with sequined wings -- on conspicuous areas of his mile-high hair ( imagine a turd-y Marge Simpson do in semi-platinum)... Penny Jo ( as she was lovingly called by his drag counterparts) gave Dolly's "Jolene" her best shot.........and I needed a shot after the performance, but I refrained and decided to order a cranberry spritzer, instead. Let's just say her maudlin interpretation of the Dolly standard was up to par for a STRAIGHT boy with no rhythm who had married his cousin ( though Mother filled me in that Jo Gene was anything but straight, and he was once a member of her backdoor brigade until he decided he wanted to wear Mother's sequins and Peg Bundy hair when he opened his own backdoor ( doggy-style ) to her, and Mother threw him out ( nekkid in her backyard ) and his clothes and car keys came a few minutes later ( and they wouldn't have if Mother hadn't looked out her "door window and saw him pecking on Ol' lady Rector's guest bedroom window with his pickett-butt to the street...It was a good thing she was in the parlor serving Juleps and Mimolsa's to her Garden Club cuz God knows the ol' widow would have had a stroke if she'd seen what hung between his legs. Ol' Man Rector had been dead for 20 years, and he didn't tote nothing like that in his trousers"..( And, NO, I didn't ask how Mother knew, but I intuitively knew Ol' Man Rector had used Mother's back door, too).............The next thing Mother knew, Jo Gene was in the talent night line-up and would stay there for several months,where he always performed "Jolene". He had adopted it as his song -- his one and only song -- in honor of his grandmother, and Mother kept her back door locked on Jo Gene's day off -- Thursday -- from then on ( Apparently, Mother, as a habit, kept her back door unlocked so her regulars could come and go as they pleased......) Of course, Mother loud whispered all of this to me in one breath with Penelope Jo Jean only a yard or so from us in full face ( haphazard lips and blush, but good eyeshadow) and drag ( high water Gloria Vanderbilts, red sling backs with biscuit heels AND a red plaid tube-top with HAIRY arm pits and treasure trail...and he hadn't tucked, either -- and that part of Mother's previous description of Jo Gene was accurate...) making awkward hula hand motions ( a novice drag mistake ) and clutching his fists during the chorus like he had a month's worth of constipation to work out. He glanced at us a couple of times with a shocked look on his face when Mother forgot to whisper -- and so did Afra Desiac's blonde-wigged sister -- but he maintained his character as best as he could under the circumstances..........Mother confided that Boma Jean had no idea about her husband's/cousin's "on the sly" activities..........but we'd find out, soon enough, that Boma Jean could be sly -- but NOT in the literal sense of the word -- all by herself....) Of course, we tipped him, too...twice each...I'd remember in the future to NOT sit at Mother's table on Talent nights or else, I'd go broke, but Mother insisted that we tip EVERY BODY. She said she HAD to tip because everyone expected it from her -- "Drag is expensive and at least, these girls are trying to keep the art alive, " she'd said when I protested. Since I was sitting with her, I had to oblige, or it just wouldn't look good...hmph
I did notice that Hester was only tipping dollars, so even the crazy lady knew these drag queens sucked. Miss Hester still wore her glittering helmet and, thankfully, had consumed all of her eggs, but she'd had three more beers and four blow-job shots during those two talent numbers..( and I can't say that I blame her...but I had noticed that she'd pinched Mother's leg -- right above the knee -- and Mother had turned to her and nodded, right before she'd ordered. The gesture made me wonder..and it became a two without a two in my mind for awhile, but I'd still be able to come up with a 4 eventually...... ).When she ordered them, the cocktail waitress -- who was really a waiter in bad drag -- had assumed the drink order was for the entire table..and he was more than shocked when Hester had instructed him to place his beverage tray in front of her on the table and come back in a minute..and then proceeded to down the blow jobs one after another, and then guzzled one beer completely...She'd looked at Mother during her guzzle and Mother had shaken her head in the negative, and then reached into her beaded evening gown and had handed Hester a couple of bills...I just had to wonder exactly what was going on -- especially after Mother's protests about Hester joining us in the first place -- but it would take awhile for it all to come together....) Following her guzzle, Miss Hester had so many sheets to the wind that the bitch would never be able to make her bed..or even find her covers because a few of those sheets had blown away to parts unknown. Her helmet weaved slowly back and forth instead of bopped right to left to the beat in the songs as it previously had, and there were a couple times when I thought she was going to weave over into Mother's lap or Willadean's, but Hester had recovered, and I could tell she was consciously trying to steady herself, but she was close....very close.... to losing control.......of everything.
Penelope Jo Jean Plantagenet walked onto the stage ( with a Frankenstein stroll ) to much fanfare and applause from his cousins and wife......but no one else. Mother said, "Oh God" under her breath, and it was my turn to give her the elbow. Sure enough, he was blonde, too, but he'd sprayed it into a Beehive that would have made Mel's Flo green with envy, and he'd glued red butterflies -- with sequined wings -- on conspicuous areas of his mile-high hair ( imagine a turd-y Marge Simpson do in semi-platinum)... Penny Jo ( as she was lovingly called by his drag counterparts) gave Dolly's "Jolene" her best shot.........and I needed a shot after the performance, but I refrained and decided to order a cranberry spritzer, instead. Let's just say her maudlin interpretation of the Dolly standard was up to par for a STRAIGHT boy with no rhythm who had married his cousin ( though Mother filled me in that Jo Gene was anything but straight, and he was once a member of her backdoor brigade until he decided he wanted to wear Mother's sequins and Peg Bundy hair when he opened his own backdoor ( doggy-style ) to her, and Mother threw him out ( nekkid in her backyard ) and his clothes and car keys came a few minutes later ( and they wouldn't have if Mother hadn't looked out her "door window and saw him pecking on Ol' lady Rector's guest bedroom window with his pickett-butt to the street...It was a good thing she was in the parlor serving Juleps and Mimolsa's to her Garden Club cuz God knows the ol' widow would have had a stroke if she'd seen what hung between his legs. Ol' Man Rector had been dead for 20 years, and he didn't tote nothing like that in his trousers"..( And, NO, I didn't ask how Mother knew, but I intuitively knew Ol' Man Rector had used Mother's back door, too).............The next thing Mother knew, Jo Gene was in the talent night line-up and would stay there for several months,where he always performed "Jolene". He had adopted it as his song -- his one and only song -- in honor of his grandmother, and Mother kept her back door locked on Jo Gene's day off -- Thursday -- from then on ( Apparently, Mother, as a habit, kept her back door unlocked so her regulars could come and go as they pleased......) Of course, Mother loud whispered all of this to me in one breath with Penelope Jo Jean only a yard or so from us in full face ( haphazard lips and blush, but good eyeshadow) and drag ( high water Gloria Vanderbilts, red sling backs with biscuit heels AND a red plaid tube-top with HAIRY arm pits and treasure trail...and he hadn't tucked, either -- and that part of Mother's previous description of Jo Gene was accurate...) making awkward hula hand motions ( a novice drag mistake ) and clutching his fists during the chorus like he had a month's worth of constipation to work out. He glanced at us a couple of times with a shocked look on his face when Mother forgot to whisper -- and so did Afra Desiac's blonde-wigged sister -- but he maintained his character as best as he could under the circumstances..........Mother confided that Boma Jean had no idea about her husband's/cousin's "on the sly" activities..........but we'd find out, soon enough, that Boma Jean could be sly -- but NOT in the literal sense of the word -- all by herself....) Of course, we tipped him, too...twice each...I'd remember in the future to NOT sit at Mother's table on Talent nights or else, I'd go broke, but Mother insisted that we tip EVERY BODY. She said she HAD to tip because everyone expected it from her -- "Drag is expensive and at least, these girls are trying to keep the art alive, " she'd said when I protested. Since I was sitting with her, I had to oblige, or it just wouldn't look good...hmph
I did notice that Hester was only tipping dollars, so even the crazy lady knew these drag queens sucked. Miss Hester still wore her glittering helmet and, thankfully, had consumed all of her eggs, but she'd had three more beers and four blow-job shots during those two talent numbers..( and I can't say that I blame her...but I had noticed that she'd pinched Mother's leg -- right above the knee -- and Mother had turned to her and nodded, right before she'd ordered. The gesture made me wonder..and it became a two without a two in my mind for awhile, but I'd still be able to come up with a 4 eventually...... ).When she ordered them, the cocktail waitress -- who was really a waiter in bad drag -- had assumed the drink order was for the entire table..and he was more than shocked when Hester had instructed him to place his beverage tray in front of her on the table and come back in a minute..and then proceeded to down the blow jobs one after another, and then guzzled one beer completely...She'd looked at Mother during her guzzle and Mother had shaken her head in the negative, and then reached into her beaded evening gown and had handed Hester a couple of bills...I just had to wonder exactly what was going on -- especially after Mother's protests about Hester joining us in the first place -- but it would take awhile for it all to come together....) Following her guzzle, Miss Hester had so many sheets to the wind that the bitch would never be able to make her bed..or even find her covers because a few of those sheets had blown away to parts unknown. Her helmet weaved slowly back and forth instead of bopped right to left to the beat in the songs as it previously had, and there were a couple times when I thought she was going to weave over into Mother's lap or Willadean's, but Hester had recovered, and I could tell she was consciously trying to steady herself, but she was close....very close.... to losing control.......of everything.
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