The music waxed then waned, so I knew that someone had come through the back door. I dabbed my face a little with a bev nap just in case there was an errant drip of mustard somewhere on my face and turned my head a bit to see Mother walking briskly toward the corner of the bar. Sonny didn't seem to notice that a drag queen was almost in our presence, and by now, he'd finished with his Thanksgiving hot dog and had been giving me the soliloquy about his life. It didn't take me long to figure out that he really enjoyed talking about himself and his myriad accomplishments.......We were setting a couple of bar stools from the corner, but the front bar was kind of empty now since the show had started, and it was relatively quiet in there. We really had good seats for the upcoming conversation. I'd learn that the corner seat at the bar was the best seat in the house to hear about all the local drama. I'd sit there a lot in the days to come.
"Cherry....I need a Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper on the rox, please. Fiona is driving me crazy, gurl. I had to get away from her for a minute before I killed her, OOOH! "Mother said all at once. ((I only added the commas and periods to be nice because she said it so fast that there were no pauses anywhere in her speech.))
"Well, Mother, just calm down and tell me what's going on, " Cherry consoled as she made Mother a drink. I had a feeling that this scene had been reenacted many times over the years.
Sonny didn't seem to notice or care that something much more exciting than hearing about his piano-playing life was going on over my right shoulder. He just kept telling me about his musical tours, and I could tell that he was trying to make himself sound like a big deal. All the stories sounded the same; only the names of the venues changed. Yes, I said he was a nice person, but nice people can still be very self-impressed and that was an understatement in his case. I swear, I might as well have been a giant ear as far as he was concerned, or he just didn't understand that a conversation involved two people. Well, it wasn't like I really wanted to get an edgewise word in. I kind of wanted to escape. I was trying to be polite, but he was boring me to tears. Of course, any on-looker would see me smiling and nodding where appropriate, but if there'd been a mind reader within 100 miles, they'd know I just wanted to crawl away.
"She's gonna' do one of my songs. I heard her whisper it to Bungee when she handed him her tapes," Mother said in total outrage. "Those girls just don't understand that we don't do that here. I tried to explain to her nicely that we all have our own repertoire down here and that once a girl does a song here, NO ONE else can do that number."
"What did she say?" Cherry was very interested now.
"That was my second tour in Vegas," Sonny said a bit louder and chuckled a little bit. He was probably noticing that I'd shifted from facing him in my chair to facing the bar, so he tried to recapture my attention with volume. It didn't work. I was really good at eavesdropping, and I'd closed his eave, but I was still being polite..................... and listening to every word of the other conversation.
"Oh gurl, she didn't say a word. She just kept cutting EVIL glances at her lover, Miss Dixie, out of the corner of her eye. Lord, I hate her, too. The days those bitches moved to this town was the worst day of my life, " Mother said with a heavy dose of feigned self pity and exaggeration. Her hands were all a twitter, too. If you had tied them down, she wouldn't have been able to talk. She ended her phrase by patting the bar with both hands, ( for effect, I guess ). And then she started up again...
"But, I'll ride those bitches out of here. They don't know me. They only know the sweet Mother, but they don't know the real me. I'm crazy; I'm the craziest bitch they ever met!" Mother got really loud, and she raised one hand up in the air on "met".
"Yes, girl, we know," Cherry laughed and tried to lighten the mood.
"If I hear Joey Heatherton's version of "Crazy" coming out of that back bar," Mother said through pursed lips as she leaned over a little toward Cherry and enunciated every word. " I'll go back there and yank that bitch's wig off of her head and shove it down her throat. Mark my words!!! She'll wish that wig was made out of lettuce when I'm done with her! "Mother kept getting madder and madder, and louder and LOUDER as she spoke. I thought she'd come out here to vent to Cherry to calm down, but it wasn't working.
"Mother are you Catholic?" I interjected.
"Well, hell no. I'm a Baptist!" she turned to me with a look of surprise.
"What?" Cherry asked with a laugh and a lilt that also intimated "where did that come from?" without saying it.
"Well, her name is Mother Superior, and she kind of appears to run things around here, so the only rational reason for her drag name would have to do with Catholicism," I explained....... AND, I'm not stupid..... I was killing two birds with one stone. I was hoping if I got involved in conversation with the truly interesting people on my right side that the one who was boring me to tears on my left side would shut up. I was also changing the subject and getting Mother's mind off of Fiona Fontaine.
"Well, honey, I'm not Catholic, " the volume of Mother's voice was beginning to decline as she walked over by me. "My Mama was a good Baptist woman," he said.
Being a gentleman ( and just a tad bit manipulative ), I pulled the bar stool out next to me and motioned with my hand for Mother to take a seat.
"There's such a thing as a good Baptist?" I said with a snarl on my lips.
Mother laughed a bit and said, "Now, don't be bitchy about Baptists, gurl."
"I'm not a gurl," I was quick to define myself and then I quickly said, "So, how did you come up with your drag name?"
"Oh honey, Tuna named me. I've just always been Mother Superior. I don't know how she came up with it, and you didn't ask Tuna questions like that. No, no..not Miss Tuna. You just didn't do that," Mother said and her eyes were kind of misty, but she was no longer in a raving mood.
"Tuna? Why would she name herself after a fish?" I asked. Now, my ploy had worked. Sonny on my left had completely shut up and ordered another Chevas on the rocks with a splash, and Mother's mind was completely on another subject, and she'd totally calmed down, AND I was getting some answers to some questions that I'd been pondering all night. ((Weren't you wondering why her drag name was Mother Superior?))
"Well, she was fishy, gurl,"Mother said and I cocked my eyebrow at her.
"Sorry, I meant to say, sir," she chuckled and tapped me on the shoulder with her hand.
"Fishy?" I asked perpelexed.
"Fishy..oh..she was fishy..you know, like a fish." Mother tried to explain as she motioned all over the place with her hands.
I gave her a look like she was completely nutso, and she did look like she was trying to do the Hula Arabian style with all of those hand and body movements.
"Cherry, come here and explain to him what fishy means," Mother said exasperated.
Cherry walked along his side of the bar to us and he said, "There are different kinds of drag queens. Mother and I are more drag queeny in drag. Tuna was smaller built and looked more like a real woman."
"Oh! I get it," I said. "So, you turn the derogatory reference that some gays use towards the odor of a vagina to make it mean "truly female looking in drag"? It's a part of your lingo?"
"Huh?" Mother asked.
"Yes," Cherry said.
"Isn't language interesting?" I asked them both, and they both looked at me like I was nutso.
So the night continued and Mother and I got to know each other. He was a fascinating person. He worked at the dining counter at the local bowling alley, and he'd worked there for years. Mother was very proud that he worked and supported himself and that he lived on his own and drove his own car. I thought to myself that those were pretty normal things that people did................. but much, much later in our friendship, I'd find out why that was so important to him. He seemed like just a normal man to me who just happened to be wearing a wig and dress that night. That wasn't entirely true, but it had nothing to do with the drag. Coincidentally, we both shared Tuesdays as our days off, so we decided to have dinner together, and he promised to show me the town. I was so immersed with Mother and intermittently with Cherry, that I never did notice that Sonny had risen from his seat until he was standing at the door waiting to be buzzed out. He was rather wobbly on his feet, so I guessed that the Chevas had done its job.
As Sonny stepped out of the front door, there was a tussle of sorts at the back-bar door. It seemed like several drag queens were trying to push through the door at the same time. All of a sudden, Four drag queens were standing beside Mother and me.
"Fiona stold my brooch, and she's wearing it on stage," one short dark-haired drag queen blurted out to Mother.
"Oh, Lordy,"Mother bellowed. "Cherry, I need a DOUBLE cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper on the rox."
And, on that note, I decided to end my night. I'd had enough excitement. I knew things were going to go downhill from here.
"Cherry....I need a Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper on the rox, please. Fiona is driving me crazy, gurl. I had to get away from her for a minute before I killed her, OOOH! "Mother said all at once. ((I only added the commas and periods to be nice because she said it so fast that there were no pauses anywhere in her speech.))
"Well, Mother, just calm down and tell me what's going on, " Cherry consoled as she made Mother a drink. I had a feeling that this scene had been reenacted many times over the years.
Sonny didn't seem to notice or care that something much more exciting than hearing about his piano-playing life was going on over my right shoulder. He just kept telling me about his musical tours, and I could tell that he was trying to make himself sound like a big deal. All the stories sounded the same; only the names of the venues changed. Yes, I said he was a nice person, but nice people can still be very self-impressed and that was an understatement in his case. I swear, I might as well have been a giant ear as far as he was concerned, or he just didn't understand that a conversation involved two people. Well, it wasn't like I really wanted to get an edgewise word in. I kind of wanted to escape. I was trying to be polite, but he was boring me to tears. Of course, any on-looker would see me smiling and nodding where appropriate, but if there'd been a mind reader within 100 miles, they'd know I just wanted to crawl away.
"She's gonna' do one of my songs. I heard her whisper it to Bungee when she handed him her tapes," Mother said in total outrage. "Those girls just don't understand that we don't do that here. I tried to explain to her nicely that we all have our own repertoire down here and that once a girl does a song here, NO ONE else can do that number."
"What did she say?" Cherry was very interested now.
"That was my second tour in Vegas," Sonny said a bit louder and chuckled a little bit. He was probably noticing that I'd shifted from facing him in my chair to facing the bar, so he tried to recapture my attention with volume. It didn't work. I was really good at eavesdropping, and I'd closed his eave, but I was still being polite..................... and listening to every word of the other conversation.
"Oh gurl, she didn't say a word. She just kept cutting EVIL glances at her lover, Miss Dixie, out of the corner of her eye. Lord, I hate her, too. The days those bitches moved to this town was the worst day of my life, " Mother said with a heavy dose of feigned self pity and exaggeration. Her hands were all a twitter, too. If you had tied them down, she wouldn't have been able to talk. She ended her phrase by patting the bar with both hands, ( for effect, I guess ). And then she started up again...
"But, I'll ride those bitches out of here. They don't know me. They only know the sweet Mother, but they don't know the real me. I'm crazy; I'm the craziest bitch they ever met!" Mother got really loud, and she raised one hand up in the air on "met".
"Yes, girl, we know," Cherry laughed and tried to lighten the mood.
"If I hear Joey Heatherton's version of "Crazy" coming out of that back bar," Mother said through pursed lips as she leaned over a little toward Cherry and enunciated every word. " I'll go back there and yank that bitch's wig off of her head and shove it down her throat. Mark my words!!! She'll wish that wig was made out of lettuce when I'm done with her! "Mother kept getting madder and madder, and louder and LOUDER as she spoke. I thought she'd come out here to vent to Cherry to calm down, but it wasn't working.
"Mother are you Catholic?" I interjected.
"Well, hell no. I'm a Baptist!" she turned to me with a look of surprise.
"What?" Cherry asked with a laugh and a lilt that also intimated "where did that come from?" without saying it.
"Well, her name is Mother Superior, and she kind of appears to run things around here, so the only rational reason for her drag name would have to do with Catholicism," I explained....... AND, I'm not stupid..... I was killing two birds with one stone. I was hoping if I got involved in conversation with the truly interesting people on my right side that the one who was boring me to tears on my left side would shut up. I was also changing the subject and getting Mother's mind off of Fiona Fontaine.
"Well, honey, I'm not Catholic, " the volume of Mother's voice was beginning to decline as she walked over by me. "My Mama was a good Baptist woman," he said.
Being a gentleman ( and just a tad bit manipulative ), I pulled the bar stool out next to me and motioned with my hand for Mother to take a seat.
"There's such a thing as a good Baptist?" I said with a snarl on my lips.
Mother laughed a bit and said, "Now, don't be bitchy about Baptists, gurl."
"I'm not a gurl," I was quick to define myself and then I quickly said, "So, how did you come up with your drag name?"
"Oh honey, Tuna named me. I've just always been Mother Superior. I don't know how she came up with it, and you didn't ask Tuna questions like that. No, no..not Miss Tuna. You just didn't do that," Mother said and her eyes were kind of misty, but she was no longer in a raving mood.
"Tuna? Why would she name herself after a fish?" I asked. Now, my ploy had worked. Sonny on my left had completely shut up and ordered another Chevas on the rocks with a splash, and Mother's mind was completely on another subject, and she'd totally calmed down, AND I was getting some answers to some questions that I'd been pondering all night. ((Weren't you wondering why her drag name was Mother Superior?))
"Well, she was fishy, gurl,"Mother said and I cocked my eyebrow at her.
"Sorry, I meant to say, sir," she chuckled and tapped me on the shoulder with her hand.
"Fishy?" I asked perpelexed.
"Fishy..oh..she was fishy..you know, like a fish." Mother tried to explain as she motioned all over the place with her hands.
I gave her a look like she was completely nutso, and she did look like she was trying to do the Hula Arabian style with all of those hand and body movements.
"Cherry, come here and explain to him what fishy means," Mother said exasperated.
Cherry walked along his side of the bar to us and he said, "There are different kinds of drag queens. Mother and I are more drag queeny in drag. Tuna was smaller built and looked more like a real woman."
"Oh! I get it," I said. "So, you turn the derogatory reference that some gays use towards the odor of a vagina to make it mean "truly female looking in drag"? It's a part of your lingo?"
"Huh?" Mother asked.
"Yes," Cherry said.
"Isn't language interesting?" I asked them both, and they both looked at me like I was nutso.
So the night continued and Mother and I got to know each other. He was a fascinating person. He worked at the dining counter at the local bowling alley, and he'd worked there for years. Mother was very proud that he worked and supported himself and that he lived on his own and drove his own car. I thought to myself that those were pretty normal things that people did................. but much, much later in our friendship, I'd find out why that was so important to him. He seemed like just a normal man to me who just happened to be wearing a wig and dress that night. That wasn't entirely true, but it had nothing to do with the drag. Coincidentally, we both shared Tuesdays as our days off, so we decided to have dinner together, and he promised to show me the town. I was so immersed with Mother and intermittently with Cherry, that I never did notice that Sonny had risen from his seat until he was standing at the door waiting to be buzzed out. He was rather wobbly on his feet, so I guessed that the Chevas had done its job.
As Sonny stepped out of the front door, there was a tussle of sorts at the back-bar door. It seemed like several drag queens were trying to push through the door at the same time. All of a sudden, Four drag queens were standing beside Mother and me.
"Fiona stold my brooch, and she's wearing it on stage," one short dark-haired drag queen blurted out to Mother.
"Oh, Lordy,"Mother bellowed. "Cherry, I need a DOUBLE cherry vanilla Dr. Pepper on the rox."
And, on that note, I decided to end my night. I'd had enough excitement. I knew things were going to go downhill from here.
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